Wrestlemania 33 Predictions

This years Wrestlemania, being promoted as "The Ultimate Thrill Ride", is being held this coming Sunday, April 2nd, in Orlando, Florida. Wrestlemania is the "showcase of the immortals", it is covered by major media outlets, attended by A-List celebrities, and consistently sets PPV buy records for wrestling promotions. This year's Wrestlemania is one of many in recent history that is headlined by part-time talent, with major match-ups such as Brock Lesnar vs. Bill Goldberg, Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns, and Triple H vs. Seth Rollins (hopefully). With these bouts, as well as some of the younger talent being featured in marquee match-ups, Wrestlemania 33 should round up to be one of the best in WWE history.

So let's make some predictions*.

Cruiserweight Championship (Kickoff Show)

Courtesy of WWE.com

Neville (c) takes on Austin Aries in what has built as a dream match since the Cruiserweight Division returned in mid-2016. The King of the Cruiserweights looks to defend his title against A-Double in the first match on the card. The way Neville has been booked as of late implies that not even Aries can defeat him. Yet, since his in-ring debut on the main roster, Aries has been on top of the world.

Prediction: Aries defeats Neville in tightly contested bout.

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Courtesy WWE.com

The Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal is a tricky situation. When used correctly, it can be a stepping stone to stardom. When misused, it can be a way to bury young talent and waste an opportunity to make a young superstar successful. Current names involved include Samoa Joe, Sami Zayn, Big Show, Goldust, R-Truth, Dolph Ziggler, and Braun Strowman, among others. In addition, the possibilities of NXT call-ups and/or surprise returns.

Prediction: Big Show, it has been announced that this is his last Wrestlemania, and given his legacy as a dominant giant, a la Andre, I believe he will hold the trophy over his head.

Raw Tag Team Championships

Courtesy of WWE.com

This triple threat match has The Club (Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson) defending their newly acquired championships against the teams of Sheamus & Cesaro AND Enzo Amore & Colin Cassady. This is one of the more difficult matches to predict the outcome of. Sheamus/Cesaro held the belts for only a couple of weeks and lost it due to shenanigans. The Club were the ones to defeat Cesaro & Sheamus, and are finally booked as the kind of winning team they were before they left New Japan Pro Wrestling. Despite all of this, Enzo and Cass are one of the most over acts in the WWE today, and have never held WWE gold despite their popularity.

Prediction: Enzo and Cass, they're long overdue for a tag team title reign.

Smackdown Live! Women's Championship

Courtesy of WWE.com

Alexa Bliss (c) defends her title against "every available woman on the Smackdown Live! roster" according to Smackdown Live! General Manager Daniel Bryan. Those names currently include former champions Becky Lynch, Natalya Neidhart, Mickie James, and newcomer Carmella> There are also rumors of former champions Naomi and Kelly Kelly returning and a possible call-up of  undefeated NXT Women's Champion Asuka.

Prediction: Naomi returns and regains her championship in her hometown of Orlando, FL

Intercontinental Championship

Courtesy of WWE.com

Dean Ambrose (c) takes on Baron Corbin in a somewhat thrown together match for the Intercontinental Championship. Ambrose has been booked 50/50 since losing his WWE Championship to AJ Styles. He beat The Miz for the title shortly after losing the WWE Championship, and has somehow been able to keep the title around his waist. Corbin, on the other hand, has won every rivalry he's been booked in since the brand split.

Prediction: Corbin in a sub-par, "bathroom break" quality match.

Mixed Tag Team Match

Courtesy of WWE.com

John Cena and Nikki Bella take on the married couple of The Miz and Maryse. This is the kind of match that on paper looks pretty lame, but due to the in-ring abilities of John Cena and The Miz, it might be a Match of the Night Nominee. The promos and matches leading up to this match made fans actually care about it., thanks to the mic work of Miz and Cena.

Prediction: The Face that Runs the Place, John Cena and his girlfriend Nikki Bella, take the W.

United States Championship

Courtesy WWE.com

Chris Jericho (c) vs. Kevin Owens in a classic "best friends turned bitter enemies" storyline. Owens turned on Jericho, Jericho cost Owens his Universal Championship, Owens snapped The List of Jericho in half, now Owens threatens to cost Jericho his title. Basic wrestling storytelling 101. I love it.

Prediction: Jericho is rumored to take an extended break after this years WM, I imagine Kevin Owens walks out with the title.

Courtesy of WWE.com

AJ Styles vs. Shane McMahon is going to be a high-spot filled, car crash match that will most likely feature the most memorable moment of the night. After Smackdown Live! GM Daniel Bryan fired AJ Styles, Styles went after Smackdown Live! Commissioner Shane McMahon and assaulted him in the parking lot of an arena. This match is going to be fun.

Prediction: Styles, McMahon is the only part-timer that constantly puts over the full-time talent.

Co-Main Event

Courtesy WWE.com

Although The Undertaker's undefeated streak at Wrestlemania was broken a number of years ago, he has still been shown to be an absolute monster at the #1 WWE pay-per-view. He'll be taking on Roman Reigns in a match that most people really don't want to see. Taker is getting up there in age (52 at the time of writing this), and the dream matches of Sting or John Cena are becoming less likely with every passing 'Mania. Plus everybody thinks Reigns is going over.

Prediction: Unfortunately, Roman Reigns.

Unsanctioned Match (AKA No Holds Barred, No DQ, or Anything Goes Match)

Courtesy of WWE.com

The match that almost didn't happen, and as of writing this still may not! Although Seth Rollins and Triple H have confirmed on-screen that this match is going to happen, Pro Wrestling Insider has reported that the Rollins/HHH match is a "game time decision", as Rollins is still recovering from a real-life knee injury suffered at the hands of a debuting Samoa Joe. But if this match does happen, it is guaranteed to entertain. "The Architect" takes on "The King of Kings" in a No-DQ Match that is over 2 years in the making. 

Prediction: If the match happens, Rollins goes over The Game

Co-Main Event: WWE Championship Match

Courtesy of WWE.com

"The Apex Predator" looks to take the WWE Championship from the "Eater of Worlds" as Royal Rumble Winner Randy Orton takes on Bray Wyatt (c). In a similar, yet very different from the Owens/Jericho fued, allies turn enemies when Randy Orton burned the Wyatt family compound down to the ground and desicrated the grave of Sister Abgail (and yet somehow Orton is the good guy in this scenario). Wyatt earned the WWE Championship by pinning both AJ Styles AND John Cena in the Elimination Chamber match last February, and although it is his first taste of singles gold, I doubt he will have it much longer.

Prediction: Orton wins, becomes 13-time World Champion.

MAIN EVENT: Universal Championship

Courtesy of WWE.com

This match is above good guys vs. bad guys. This match is easily the most anticipated part-timer event of all time. 52-year-old superhero Bill Goldberg (c) takes on "The Beast Incarnate" Brock Lesnar for the Universal Championship. After Goldberg and Lesnar stunk up Madison Square Garden in 2004 at Wrestlemania 20, they have a second chance to blow the roof** off the place when they go at it in the main event. Last year's Survivor Series saw Goldberg stun Lesnar, and the WWE Universe, by beating Lesnar in just under 2 minutes. Then Goldberg easily eliminated Lesnar from the Royal Rumble this past January. The key here is to keep the WWE Universe guessing. If the match becomes predictable, the people will stop caring.

Prediction: Brock finally defeats Goldberg. But that ending is a bit predictable, anything could happen with these two monsters. I just hope that the match goes over 5 minutes this time.

*Yes, I know. Professional Wrestling results are predetermined. Go away.

**The SunLife Stadium in Orlando, Florida has no actual roof.